March 9, 2024
As I sit here on this beautiful Saturday morning, I am faced with at least three major decisions. The first decision is of whether or not to switch to a local fertility clinic rather than the one that is over 7 hours away. The fertility clinic that is a long distance away is more affordable, but I would have to worry about hotel expenses and wear and tear on my car.
The second concern that I have is that of the fertility meds that I have been finally prescribed after waiting for months and months on end. My dilemma is whether or not to pay for the meds out of pocket or wait until April 1st until my insurance from my new job kicks in. I have been prescribed Lovenox which is over $750, Prednisone, which is less than $13, and Doxycycline which is less than $35. I have been taking Eliquis for a few years and that is over $750.
My third concern is that of finding donor sperm. There are endless choices out there and there is basically a donor out to fit all of your needs. I wonder how do I choose a father for my child from a few paragraphs and one picture? I don’t look at it as if I am choosing a mate, I look at it as if I am choosing what I would want in a healthy and well-rounded child.
I have other concerns, but those three are the ones are the most pertinent. Everything with me is an issue of time. The clock, my biological clock, is ticking. I am trying to have a child before it is too late and it is an ordeal. My eggs are reaching their expiration date and I just hope and pray that I will beat the odds and have the children that I desire.
Word to the wise, people…you do not have time. Honestly, there are too few conversations concerning preparing and planning for the future if a woman finds out that she has reproductive issues. Most women will never know that they will have trouble achieving pregnancy until they try to get pregnant. That can pose a financial strain if a woman has to resort to using any type of assistive reproductive technology.
My solemn cry to women from the ages of 19-40 is that you do not have time to wait and see what your fertility is going to do once you try it out. (Check out this website to learn important reproductive facts.) Society (i. e. Planned Parenthood, sexual education classes) has erroneously conditioned women to believe that all women can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and that your fertility can be manipulated towards your will. Women are led to believe that once they have the correct education, the right job, and have their lives situated exactly as they want it, that they can marry Mr. RIght, travel the world, and then have babies.
I am here to tell you that not everything in your life with go along with mainstream societal expectations. Of course, getting a decent education and finding the right career are excellent goals, but depending upon the career field, a woman will sometimes be well into her mid 30s when she may consider having children. That is around the time when a women’s fertility begins to wane.
I realize that some women do not have a desire to birth children and that is quite okay. However, for the ones who desire to have children, it will be in your best interest to be proactive about your motherhood dreams. We also have to be mindful of the statistics that suggest that Black women are the most likely to be single than any other race of women. So, while some women may be waiting for marriage until they have children, for Black women, marriage may never come and by default, sometimes, children may never be born to them either. Yes, there are exceptions to ever rule, but it is best to err on the side of caution.
I can remember being 17 years old and having a conversation with my AP English teacher about her four children and her career. I, pointedly, asked her if the age of 24 was too young to have my first child. I can also remember being 32 years old and having intense baby fever and began to look for a sperm donor only to have some of my family members tell me that I have time to have children. Those times are gone and I will never get that time back even though my lifelong desire has been to have children.
Take it from me, the time that you think that you have in order to have children is nonexistent. We all know of our beloved celebrities like Halle Berry, Janet Jackson, Kenya Moore, and Fredricka Whitfield who defied the odds and birthed children after the age of 40, but they only represent a teaspoon out of a sea of women.
Please heed my warning: be proactive and get your fertility checked today. Please read and subscribe to my blog on why I am so adamant about warning all women to be proactive about having children as soon as possible. I do not want anyone to go through what I am experiencing now. Trust me, you do not want this for yourself. I wish that someone would have warned me 10 years ago to proceed with my motherhood dreams. That is the purpose for my website, my blog and everything else that I will do in my life moving forward. My mission will be to empower women to have children despite the prevailing culture making motherhood out to be a hinderance.
