Having uterine fibroids can be tough on a woman’s body. Many women who have fibroids suffer from backaches, leg pain, bloating, a distended abdomen, gas, urine frequency and urgency, and urinary incontinence. The list of symptoms can go on and on depending upon the person. Equally, having a protruding abdomen that has the appearance of a second or third trimester pregnancy can be debilitating as well.
It can be difficult to deal with the whispers and stares from people who have a fixed gaze upon your tummy and who even have the audacity to rub your tummy in amazement. I know how demoralizing that can be because it has happened to me and is still happening to me. I am waiting with bated breath to finally get my myomectomy so that I can be myself and not the supposed pregnant belly. One of the doctors told me that my abdomen has the appearance of someone who is seven months gestation. So, I am well acquainted with the questions, stomach rubs, and stares.
I must admit that I have not dealt with the pregnancy questions in a good way. There have been times that I have been irate and lost my cool with some people. My anger was due to my anxiety and displeasure with the way I looked and felt. My sadness of not being pregnant led me to have a bad attitude at times. It was then that I reflected upon my interactions and responses and make the needed changes.
Most people are genuinely curious and have only good intentions about a woman being pregnant. I do believe that people want to be happy for you and wish you well in your pregnancy. So after much consideration, I have crafted five calm responses to give to people who may question if you are pregnant due to your fibroids. Utilize these responses when people say things such as, “How far along are you?” “Are you having a boy?” “You’re not pregnant, are you?” “Do you know your due date yet?”. Read on to learn more.
- “Actually, I am not pregnant”. This is a short, succinct answer that can be used when you do not want to give any further explanation. Depending upon the person that you are addressing, you may want to just give them a short answer and then excuse yourself. Granted, you do not owe an explanation to anyone, but this is a good response to remain calm and composed and not allow a person’s suspected insensitivity to overrule your emotions.
- “Well, you know, I am focusing on my health right now and being as healthy as possible”. Again, with this answer, you do not owe anyone a long explanation if you do not feel so inclined to do so. With this response, you are clandestine without sounding disgusted by the person even if you are put off by them. This answer also redirects the conversation onto another topic if you choose to keep engaging with this person.
- “I appreciate you asking, but it’s a sensitive topic for me that I do not want to discuss at this time”. I love this reply because it states clearly that the topic of your health is off limits to the person. In this response you have made it known in a reasonable fashion that you are not going to divulge anything about your health status. This is the perfect response to someone who is a stranger or someone who does not care to keep a personal conversation in confidence. This reply lets that person know that they are probably being too forward with inquiring about your medical condition.
- “Yes, I do look pregnant, but actually I have uterine fibroids”. This is a response that I like to use when I encounter unknown people while on my job. I like this answer because it is professional and provides the person with education to the existence of uterine fibroids and opens the door for further conversation. This sentence can be used for someone who is genuinely interested in your happiness and learning more about you. This is a disarming response that the shows that you are open to the person and is responding in good faith.
- “Unfortunately, I am not pregnant, but I do plan to be one day. I appreciate your concern and this is how you can support me”. I like to use this response with people that I am getting to know and who I believe have good intentions about my health and well-being. Having a retort such as this lets someone know that pregnancy is your goal and that you are thankful for the person asking, and because of their concern, you will let them know, specifically the way in which they can assist you in reaching your pregnancy goals.
It is always a good idea to be prepared to have a reply and not be caught off guard by someone’s questions. Feel free to adopt these responses as your own and ditch the snarky retorts such as, “Stay out of my uterus”, “If I don’t ask you about your body, don’t ask me about mine”, and etc. Be open, but also honor your privacy and emotional and mental well-being. I hope and pray that all women who are suffering from uterine fibroids like I am find the help and support that they need.
This has opened a new window into the struggles of TTC for women considered to be outside of their reproductive prime. I can hardly wait to read more.